‘Pour Myself a Cup of Ambition’ is said to be the lyric that Dolly Parton is most proud of.

That’s quite a statement for a women with a 6 decade long career and countless hits and accolades under her rhinestone belt!

Being a huge inspiration to me, I have often wondered in times of challenge and uncertainty – ‘What would Dolly do?’. Without question, she will have had struggles in life, we all do. But what a craft of authenticity it is to bring your true self to your art and inspire others, whilst being adored for it.

When I started this business, there were lots of questions to answer, mostly for marketing purposes;

• What’s your purpose?
• Who’s your target audience?
• What’s your niche?
• Why you?

It took me a while to figure all of this out, some if it is still evolving, but the main purpose for all this, my un-shiftable vision was simple: I want to create something to help others in a way that this had helped me.

When I first started in leadership I was sent to so many courses, luckily being in high end fashion retail, a lot of these were around:

‘Inspiring Performance’

              ‘Delivering the Brand’

                             ‘Role Model Leadership’

Amazing, glossy, inspirational content that has not only shaped my professional outlook but my personal one too.

When I started out in Learning and Development I was sent on lots of courses, a CIPD* programme, to understand every element of the world of training and development. The same thing happened in my Coaching accreditations, my mentoring qualifications… all alongside countless books, webinars, networking events, in-house courses, away days and CPD… the list goes on… you see where I’m going!

Each time I hoovered up the content until I had thousands of pieces of an incomplete jigsaw puzzle made up over the last 20 years.

So I considered, what would I want if I was my target audience? Which, to be honest, I pretty much am! A female with tons of experience and achievement who struggles to see her value and worth and be heard in a very noisy competitive world. In need of more:

Self-Awareness            Self-Confidence          Help to Find my Vision

Knowledge on how to make an Impact

What if I created something that brought all of those pieces together?

Self-Awareness

                            Vision Setting

                                          Inspiring Leadership

                                                         Personal Development

And so YLD – Yvonne’s Leadership Development (happily also my initials!) was born!

12 months in, for the first time this month I called myself an entrepreneur – it felt odd but it felt GREAT!

I’m not making big money, but I am making a difference to my clients and others around me and that is what I’d call a success. Here’s to the next 12 months and beyond. And to finish in the way I started this reflective piece, in the inspiring words of Dolly:

‘Find out who you are, and do it on purpose!

Burnout, stress, change, success, grief, sadness and the continued need for life to just keep going!

When starting a new business ‘consistency is the key to success’ is the message that I and most other marketing experts have been selling to me for months. But having never experienced grief closely before, three close successions of family loss have left me buried under a ton of it and feeling completely stuck.

Learning from the past

I’ve mentioned in previous writings that last year was one of the best and worst I’ve ever experienced. The ever-increasing pain of tension in my neck and shoulders was growing alongside all of the excitement of building a business, the tough work of trying to build a following, finishing qualifications and fighting to keep the corporate job I also loved. Home life was beautifully heart warming but also difficult due to my beloved poorly dog and the knowledge that we didn’t have much longer left… my whole world was changing at a rate I couldn’t believe.

Trying to embrace it all, I laughed it off, did a bit of yoga & meditation, lifted some weights and hoped it would go away! But I recalled recently as everything took that final turn for the worst; I’ve been here before.

During a difficult house move in 2021, followed by many years of a hyper-vigilant mind and always on the lookout for the worst-case scenario so I was prepared for everything, I had kept going and going for way too long, until anxiety caught up with me and floored me.

But here’s the interesting thing, it didn’t happen until a few months later when all was well and things were much more settled. Why, you might wonder? Well, when we are in the thick of stress, our nervous system goes into a fight, flight or freeze response mode in order to try and keep us safe. I was in full on ‘fight mode’ and had been for a long time. It was only when the stress eased, I came down from the need to be in that state that there was room for the reaction to it all.

So what’s different this time?

Well, I like to think this time, there’s been a little learning, a slightly earlier intervention of:

 ‘STOP and pause…

‘I need a bit of help actually’ and

‘Ouch, my neck really, really hurts!’

It was still a little late, I think. But the learning from the reaction to that house move and subsequent recovery taught me that there was work to do. I saw amazing benefits to the mental health support I reached out for. I have been very open about that as I believe others who are suffering and haven’t yet reached out, need to hear that it’s ok to do just that.

That therapy and counselling path started my journey into coaching. It helped me to hold up the mirror and fix that past so that I could then move forwards with purpose.

How is Coaching different to Therapy?

In therapy, we look backwards in the work to uncover or fix what may have happened in the past in order to see what can be done to feel better in the now. In coaching, we may nod to that past to see what perhaps has led us here, but we work very much with a focus on the future.

So, what’s the learning?

What do I need to do? Well, these were my initial solutions, when I hit my breaking point a few weeks ago.

• First, stop. And know that it’s ok to rest. My body had been telling me for months and I’d kept ignoring it.
• Seeking out some help to deal with all of this loss and grief may be a good idea.
• A damn good sports massage!

So that I did. I paused, I breathed, and I did only the absolute essentials.

Having checked these bits off my list, I move forwards, still with difficulty, it’s early days, but with the intention and self-care to shake off the sadness and find gratitude for the space and time for healing.

Stress Awareness Month

April is ‘Stress Awareness’ month, which is why I waited to share this now. Stress can show up for us in so many ways, there are some people that can continue in fight, flight or freeze for years, some it may catch up with us sooner. But either way, it is not good for our health. It can cause so many problems and can be so hard to reduce the worse it gets.

Hopefully my story and honesty has been useful or interesting to you. If you are ever struggling with stress. Here are my initial questions to you:

• What is the main thing(s) causing you to feel this way?
• What can you control right now?
• What can you change right now?
• What is one thing you can do that will help you feel better?

Again, this comes back to self-awareness and our journey to knowing ourselves better. Think about how you heal best. How do you take care of you?

This will and get you out of ‘fight, flight or freeze’ so you can navigate your next steps find space for that much needed clarity.

At the start of the year, I created a Vision Board. The main word that resonated with my vision, future and path to success was ‘Choice’.

Following redundancy 12 years ago, I was lost. I don’t think I knew how lost I was until around 3 years ago.

Suddenly a crack in the door of self-discovery & personal development appeared and I pushed it wide open. I absorbed every opportunity for challenge, achievement, growth and development. I wanted back what I lost. I wanted back what I knew I was capable of.

Except the first time I got it, it felt so easy, naturally progressing through leadership ranks, gaining Learning & Development sponsorship, CIPD qualifications and secondment opportunities at every turn.

So why now, when I wanted it more than ever, did it seem so hard to get a hold of?

Well one could argue that life got in the way! Some greatness and some toughness personally along with a very challenging decade figuring out where I wanted / needed to be and the realisation that I had it really damn good before and wish I’d held onto it harder! But where’s the learning and growth in that?!

Throughout recent years, every application was a rejection or a ‘not quite appointable’, every role I seemed perfect for, and sometimes told I was perfect for was offered to others or only given to me temporarily, leaving me feeling I continually had to prove myself. When in fact, 15-20 years ago, I was more senior than the current hiring manager. So maybe that’s what I was holding onto – status?  All of this, heavily contributed to a growing feeling of imposter syndrome, although at the time, I wasn’t aware that’s what I was feeling. I just thought ‘I’m not enough’.

‘I’ve done everything, tried everything and I’m still not succeeding’

So, when the final door to my ideal role closed, I stopped fighting. I realised I was chasing a feeling and success I’d had before. Exactly, I’d had it before! So, why did I need it again?

That story, it’s success and the failures, lessons, mistakes and opportunities that it created, were all leading me to this moment. A moment where I had to make the choice, not wait for someone else to decide the outcome for me, choose me or hire me.

I had all of the tools I needed and had built an amazing personal and professional brand throughout that journey… time to use it and put ‘me’ to the test!

I could have fought for another chance, looked at other organisations, gone for roles that seemed a good fit, but they weren’t for the right reasons. They weren’t going to get me where I now wanted to go.

So, I created my Power, by following my Passion and by saying ‘NO’ to what I probably should or could have.

              ‘I made the Choice,

                             To take the Chance,

                                           To get the Change.

My Challenge to You

Take some time to consider how you handle rejection or setbacks in your life. What lessons have you learned from these experiences, and how have they shaped where you are now?

Have you ever faced a situation where you felt lost or uncertain about your path? What steps did you take to find your way?

What choices have you made recently that have significantly impacted your personal or professional growth?

Self-awareness and self-discovery play key roles in the choices we make. When faced with challenging situations, the power of choice can be freeing. If you’re feeling stuck, consider: What is my vision? How can my actions contribute to that vision?

Think about what you can do each day to contribute to the ‘future you’.