Burnout, stress, change, success, grief, sadness and the continued need for life to just keep going!

When starting a new business ‘consistency is the key to success’ is the message that I and most other marketing experts have been selling to me for months. But having never experienced grief closely before, three close successions of family loss have left me buried under a ton of it and feeling completely stuck.

Learning from the past

I’ve mentioned in previous writings that last year was one of the best and worst I’ve ever experienced. The ever-increasing pain of tension in my neck and shoulders was growing alongside all of the excitement of building a business, the tough work of trying to build a following, finishing qualifications and fighting to keep the corporate job I also loved. Home life was beautifully heart warming but also difficult due to my beloved poorly dog and the knowledge that we didn’t have much longer left… my whole world was changing at a rate I couldn’t believe.

Trying to embrace it all, I laughed it off, did a bit of yoga & meditation, lifted some weights and hoped it would go away! But I recalled recently as everything took that final turn for the worst; I’ve been here before.

During a difficult house move in 2021, followed by many years of a hyper-vigilant mind and always on the lookout for the worst-case scenario so I was prepared for everything, I had kept going and going for way too long, until anxiety caught up with me and floored me.

But here’s the interesting thing, it didn’t happen until a few months later when all was well and things were much more settled. Why, you might wonder? Well, when we are in the thick of stress, our nervous system goes into a fight, flight or freeze response mode in order to try and keep us safe. I was in full on ‘fight mode’ and had been for a long time. It was only when the stress eased, I came down from the need to be in that state that there was room for the reaction to it all.

So what’s different this time?

Well, I like to think this time, there’s been a little learning, a slightly earlier intervention of:

 ‘STOP and pause…

‘I need a bit of help actually’ and

‘Ouch, my neck really, really hurts!’

It was still a little late, I think. But the learning from the reaction to that house move and subsequent recovery taught me that there was work to do. I saw amazing benefits to the mental health support I reached out for. I have been very open about that as I believe others who are suffering and haven’t yet reached out, need to hear that it’s ok to do just that.

That therapy and counselling path started my journey into coaching. It helped me to hold up the mirror and fix that past so that I could then move forwards with purpose.

How is Coaching different to Therapy?

In therapy, we look backwards in the work to uncover or fix what may have happened in the past in order to see what can be done to feel better in the now. In coaching, we may nod to that past to see what perhaps has led us here, but we work very much with a focus on the future.

So, what’s the learning?

What do I need to do? Well, these were my initial solutions, when I hit my breaking point a few weeks ago.

• First, stop. And know that it’s ok to rest. My body had been telling me for months and I’d kept ignoring it.
• Seeking out some help to deal with all of this loss and grief may be a good idea.
• A damn good sports massage!

So that I did. I paused, I breathed, and I did only the absolute essentials.

Having checked these bits off my list, I move forwards, still with difficulty, it’s early days, but with the intention and self-care to shake off the sadness and find gratitude for the space and time for healing.

Stress Awareness Month

April is ‘Stress Awareness’ month, which is why I waited to share this now. Stress can show up for us in so many ways, there are some people that can continue in fight, flight or freeze for years, some it may catch up with us sooner. But either way, it is not good for our health. It can cause so many problems and can be so hard to reduce the worse it gets.

Hopefully my story and honesty has been useful or interesting to you. If you are ever struggling with stress. Here are my initial questions to you:

• What is the main thing(s) causing you to feel this way?
• What can you control right now?
• What can you change right now?
• What is one thing you can do that will help you feel better?

Again, this comes back to self-awareness and our journey to knowing ourselves better. Think about how you heal best. How do you take care of you?

This will and get you out of ‘fight, flight or freeze’ so you can navigate your next steps find space for that much needed clarity.